Awake

A couple of times per week, for no apparent reason, I find myself sleepless between 1 am and 4 am. I would like to tell you I do my best thinking in these hours, that I solve nagging problems and weigh heady issues. You be the judge. What follows is a representative sample of what I do think about when there are no distractions but the hum of the fan and the deep breathing of my husband.

1:30 am. I can’t sleep. Should I take a melatonin?
What should I do for a workout tomorrow that has maximum benefit and won’t disturb my growing list of injuries?
Egads. This presidential election.
I wonder if we will get to feed Lo real food this week. Oatmeal, that is. Maybe I’ll have oatmeal for breakfast.
What should I cook for dinner three nights from now? And, what’s for lunch tomorrow?
Does my mother remember we are visiting tomorrow? And, what does she remember? And, what is it like to lose your memory? Maybe it’s not so bad for the person experiencing it.
The porch needs painting. What would that entail?
Should I try meditation?
2:00 am . Maybe if I pee, I will fall back to sleep.
Grocery list.
Why at my age do I still care if I think I weigh 2 pounds too much? What if people didn’t care what they looked like? Maybe if there were no mirrors. Would the whole beauty industry collapse?
Should I swim laps tomorrow? I like it a lot but it does involve shaving and leaves a chlorine aftertaste.
I need to clean out the “kids” rooms. They are 25 and 31, maybe they are not moving back home.
Grocery list.
Where did I put the fall decorations when I cleaned the attic?
Can’t meditate. Too much concentration required.
Does Logan remember us from visit to visit or is she just happy to have people around?
Should I water the flower beds or just give up at this point? What if there was a severe drought in the future and we had to save bath water?
Does my tooth hurt?
3:00 am. Maybe I should take a couple of Advils for good measure. What are the health risks of taking too many Advils?
Maybe I’ll just do some good stretching tomorrow.
Do I have any goat cheese left?
What day of the week is Christmas this year?
Feminism is different now. Better. Is this called “post-feminism?”
If Lo spent the night at our house, where should we put the crib? Video baby monitors are a good invention.
Is there leftover porch paint in the basement?
Think of all the things in this house made of wood.
4:00 am. I wish Brian would wake up and vacate the bedroom.
Why do I always fall back to sleep when he leaves the room? I am lucky he is an early riser.
Why can’t I get comfortable?
What should I wear tomorrow?
When I worked, my rewards were external – money and praise. I liked that.
Retired, rewards are internal. You have to figure out what makes you happy.
I think I’ll try peeing again.
I’m tired.
When is the next time we babysit? What should I bring for dinner? Oh yeah. I already figured this out. Something with shrimp. Everyone is tired of chicken.
Why am I obsessed with middle eastern food? Is Yotom Ottolenghi married?
Brian’s awake!
The good news is: I think I’ll take a nap today.

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2 thoughts on “Awake

  1. Ok this happens to me lately too – with many of the same thoughts – (scary)! I have always boasted”I never have any trouble sleeping!” Sigh… Is getting older really this hard?

    Like

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